


running the wrong way

by netherfriends



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Burns, Choking, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Manipulation, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), sorry elsa, the past is in the past is really something tommy has not learned, tommy really do be traumatized though, using fancy font is cool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:53:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28118754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/netherfriends/pseuds/netherfriends
Summary: Tommy becomes used to the smell of ash, how it stayed on his clothes no matter what he wore. He becomes used to smelling it, that he doesn't even realize it's in the air when it is.(Wilbur's explosives go off, and Tommy doesn't cough like everyone else does. He breathes it in, and doesn't recognize why his eyes are watering with the ash going in them. He's too focused on Philza stabbed Wilbur, Techno is there,three skulls, withers, withers, CRATER,do you want to be a hero Tommy?ORtommy is stuck in the past, clinging to ash and broken dreams
Relationships: Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 573
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. ash and crowds

**Author's Note:**

> hyperfixating on tommy's arc go brr

Pogtopia always smelled like ash.

No one quite knew why, but the smell lingered everywhere. Techno complained about how it ruined the air for his potatoes. But it still stayed.

(When Schlatt is no longer in power and Tommy has no need to hide, he walks into L'Manburg and see's everyone wrinkle their noses at him. He smells like ash. Wilbur's corpse smelled like ash. Tubbo still has flecks of ash in his hair.

Tommy doesn't like the ash much.)

Tommy becomes used to the smell of ash, how it stayed on his clothes no matter what he wore. He becomes used to smelling it, that he doesn't even realize it's in the air when it is.

(Wilbur's explosives go off, and Tommy doesn't cough like everyone else does. He breathes it in, and doesn't recognize why his eyes are watering. He's too focused on _Philza stabbed Wilbur, Techno is there, **three skulls** , withers, withers, CRATER, ~~do you want to be a hero Tommy?~~_

**~~_ASH  
_ ~~ ** ~~~~

**~~_ASH_ ~~ **

**~~_ASH_~~** )

Wilbur comes back, but he is not Wilbur. Tommy dubs him Ghostbur, to show how they are _very much not the same person_ -

Because Ghostbur can't hug him like Wilbur could, and Ghostbur has a hazy look in his eyes (they're grey-) and talks without the pain of war, without the trauma of _blood, and arrows, and TRAITOR TRAITOR **TRAITOR** -_

And most importantly, Ghostbur doesn't smell like ash.

Tommy can't decide if he likes it better that way.

" _Goodbye Tommy_."

Tommy can't focus on anything, spewing words out of instinct, can't focus on the hands grabbing him, _pulling him_ \- 

All he can focus on is that Tubbo doesn't smell like ash.

(Did Tubbo finally wash it off of him? Or maybe he had stopped smelling like that a while ago, and Tommy was just living in the past. Too caught up in _a van and WALLS and discs and and and-_

It seems like everyone has already forgotten what happened and Tommy just can't stop remembering.)

Tommy feels like he just now realized that everyone is far ahead of him, and he's running to catch up to them but soon they're disappearing and everywhere Tommy turns all he can see is unfamiliar things and people and faces and and-

Tommy didn't realize he had stopped running, had stopped completely. Everyone was gone.

Too late.

( _It was never meant to be_ , a traitor whispers in Tommy's head.)

Ghostbur trails by his side, offering some blue. Tommy takes it just to appease the ghost. Tommy doesn't register anything he's doing, doesn't register what he's mining, what weapon he's crafting, doesn't matter. Dream will blow it all up anyway, and it will smell like ash.

(Tommy's still looking for the people who are far ahead, turning around and around because _where are they, they wouldn't leave me they wouldn't leave me-_ )

Tommy holds the beach party, and he thinks that he can catch a glimpse of the people he had been searching for. He grins because of course they wouldn't leave him, why would they?

He stays up, and waits, and talks with Dream. He glances towards the portal, hoping that maybe just _maybe_ they had gotten lost or or had been too busy because Tubbo was the president and Quackity couldn't always fool around with him and Ranboo probably had to help someone with something-

Tommy feels a part of him completely break. No amount of glue was ever going to fix him. 

( _It hadn't been them, just another random person in the crowd. They had truly **left him**._)

Tommy twitches his nose, why does the air smell so much more clean? It finally clicks.

_There is no more ash._

" _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-_ "

Tommy pleads to Dream as he watches everything he worked for get destroyed. Logsted is gone, the nice little house Ghostbur had built was gone. Everything was gone, gone, **gone**.

He's back to square one.

(Tommy turns, and walks in the other direction. Far away from his friends, his family, far away from L'Manburg and the rebellion and _war_. But there's someone calling his name, and he can't recognize who, and he can't turn around but someone grabs him-)

"Tommy!"


	2. i'm just a kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn't talk anymore, because there was water _everywhere_ and he was **drowning** -
> 
> He tried to swim back up to the surface, but something was tugging him down down _down_ and every time he tried to call for help more water came into his mouth. He hated it, he didn't want to **die** what about Tubbo what about Wilbur what about _Dream_ -
> 
> But no, Wilbur's **dead** and Tubbo **exiled** him and he **messed it up** with Dream, his only **friend** -
> 
> Tommy's vision went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kept rewriting it because i wasn't satisfied that it had the same feel as the first chapter, but i just want to get this out and i'm pretty happy about it
> 
> TW: there is a sort of in depth discussion of a panic attack, which is a lot of the chapter. you can skip it without missing anything but i'd suggest not to. it starts at '(i'm sorry, i'm sorry-' and ends at 'tommy's vision went dark'

Tommy felt like he was floating. Like he was stuck in an empty void, as memories flashed by him. He couldn't feel anything, nor could he move. He could only watch as all his memories went farther and farther away from him. Leaving him once again.

(Like Wilbur and Techno and _Tubbo_.)

Each memory that passed by smelt so _strongly_ of ash. It made Tommy want to throw up his stomach, wanted to wrangle free of this iron grip that was keeping him away, and he wanted to _run_. 

( _They're running, and Wilbur is panicking, Tommy can tell. He keeps telling Tommy to run, and he's trying so **hard** , _

_"RUN!"_ )

The smell of ash had overtaken his senses before, and now that he had gotten a taste of fresh air he didn't want to ever smell it again. Nonetheless, the ash invaded his lungs, curling up inside of him. Tommy wanted to cough, to scream, to do _anything_.

Instead he just floated, as the ash corrupted him.

"Tommy!" The voice drifted and wobbled, as though barely secure, but Tommy noticed it. Tommy urged for himself to break free, to move towards the voice. The voice got louder, pounding in his ears. That's when he changed his mind and decided that he didn't want to get anywhere near that voice. But of course that's when his mind decided to do something.

Tommy bolted upright, hands clutching his chest that hurt. He turned around and looked at-

_WITHERS, **fireworks** , he said- wasn't going to-, ~~then die like one!-~~_

Tommy shook in violent trembles, inching further away from the pig despite how much it hurt. 

"Tommy, you really don't want to move." Tommy whimpered, and continued shuffling away from the pig until he hit a wall. Why was he here? Was Techno planning to kill him?

(Tommy turned around, and couldn't recognize the person behind him. All he could see was a horrible thing, that was moving and seemed to be talking but it was overlapping. ' _Blood for the blood god_ '!)

He watched the pig, waiting to see if he made a move towards him. He didn't. It didn't matter anyway, Tommy didn't have any weapons and was badly injured. He had _no_ chance of defeating Techno, with or without weapons. 

"Breathing is going to hurt for a while." Tommy flinched, and started to remember some things.

( _"_ _I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" the pressure on his neck tightened and Tommy's face was turning blue. He clawed desperately at the hands on his neck._

 _"Why don't you get in the pit, Tommy?"_ )

"'m sorry-" Tommy began shaking, clawing at his eyes to stop the tears, to stop the _hands_ -

Techno reached a hand out towards the young boy, but quickly retracted it when Tommy shrieked and pushed himself farther away.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please, please, I didn't mean to-" Tommy was just saying things at random, desperately trying to get his friend back. He didn't mean to make Dream angry, he's so sorry-

But he's not with Dream right now. No, he's not in Logsted. Because that place was _blown up_ , along with Dnret-

_His fault, his fault, HIS FAULT_

**I DIDN'T MEAN TO**

~~sorry doesn't CUT IT~~

Tommy's so cold.

He shouldn't be cold, should he?

But he's wrong, he shouldn't be alive. Everything he does is _wrong_. Every friend he ever had ran away because of **him**.

He briefly registered that he was being picked up, and he had half the mind to claw at the person, ~~claw at the _hands_ because he can't _BREATHE_ -~~

~~But he was too weak, each hit did nothing. He got more tired each time he tried to attack.~~

He was _WORTHLESS_

Tommy was still crying, blubbering words of nonsense, apologies springing from his throat, desperate like this was his last chance.

It was his last chance and he blew it.

He couldn't talk anymore, because there was water _everywhere_ and he was **drowning** -

He tried to swim back up to the surface, but something was tugging him down down _down_ and every time he tried to call for help more water came into his mouth. He hated it, he didn't want to **die** what about Tubbo what about Wilbur what about _Dream_ -

But no, Wilbur's **dead** and Tubbo **exiled** him and he **messed it up** with Dream, his only **friend** -

Tommy's vision went dark.

\--

Techno sighed, now cradling a sleeping Tommy. He looked so much different than he had a second ago, thrashing around and sobbing and screaming out a jumble of words that he couldn't understand in the boy's panic.

It hurt, seeing Tommy like this when he was always so put together, always ready with witty comebacks and determination. 

~~War can make a prisoner out a child.~~

Forcing Tommy to drink the sleeping potion was probably not the best move, but Techno had panicked and he needed Tommy to calm down so he could help him. If Phil were here he would tell him that he had tried, and that was what mattered.

Stupid Phil and his good heart.

He placed Tommy in his bed, and piled all the blankets he had onto the child to help his hypothermia. He had already sent a whisper to Philza, who was surely on his way now. In the mean time, Techno pulled out the gauze cream to apply to the hand shaped mark on Tommy's neck. He worked silently, all the while trying to keep his anger under wrap. Dammit he was going to **kill** whoever did this.

But right now, Tommy was his main focus.

Once he was satisfied that he had covered the entirety of the bruised spots, he checked the rest of the boy's body, and found burn marks on his arms and legs. Try to control yourself, remember what to do.

Right, immerse in cool water.

Which, he can't do because Tommy has hypothermia.

Okay, okay, don't panic, don't panic. Just write it down.

Techno pulled out his ~~diary~~ journal, and wrote down what was necessary to heal the burn marks. He also wrote down the severity of the burn, what type it is, and how long it will take to heal. It felt like he was back at the Antarctic Empire, jotting down a form for one of his soldiers. It made it slightly more bearable.

**SECOND DEGREE BURN**

  * _Immerse in cool water for 10 or 15 minutes_
  * _Don't apply ice, or break blisters_
  * _Don't apply butter or ointments, can cause infection_
  * _Cover loosely with non-stick bandage and secure in place with gauze or tape_



**BURN MARK AFFECTS**

  * _Burn marks will be painful and red, swelling and blistering_
  * _The skin will tighten, and appear wet but are not_
  * _Can scar_



Yeah, yeah, that was good. After a second of contemplating Techno also added in a list of affects of strangulation, just in case his head got too foggy. Finally, Techno let himself breathe.

Phil would be arriving soon, and he would be able to take care of Tommy better. Techno checked Tommy's temperature, and was pleased that it was warmer than before. Not quit normal body temperature yet though. Maybe about 5 minutes and then Techno can properly treat the burn marks.

Techno sighed, looking at his younger brother. He took note of the bags under his eyes, and how he could easily see his ribs. 

_Tommy, what happened to you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my google was very concerned for me when doing the research for this chapter


	3. i never asked for my childhood to end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _" **Sorry doesn't cut it, Tommy.** "_
> 
> _The lights are pulsating, bright colors of red and purple and green, and it hurts to look at the **fireworks** \--_
> 
> **_Tubbo in a box, what will he do?_ **
> 
> _Tubbo in a box, with a firework aimed at his head-_
> 
> _Tommy in a box, Tubbo exiling him-_
> 
> "Stop!" Tommy thrashes in his sleep, fighting against-
> 
> No one, no one is there. For a moment, as Tommy lay there panting, he doesn't understand. He was just with Wilbur, and Dream, and Tubbo--
> 
> These sheets aren't his, this house is not his, _he is not himself-_
> 
> Where the fuck is he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year everyone! ya'll getting a chapter on the first day of 2021.

_"Let's be the bad guys."_

_Tommy blinks, trying to get Wilbur's hand off his shoulder, because he was holding it too hard._

_"What?"_

_The words swimmed in his brain. Bad guys, bad guys,_

**_Let's be the bad_ _guys_ **

_Tommy didn't want to be the bad guy, he just wanted L'Manberg back, he just wanted his freedom back._

_He just wanted to go **home**._

_He's sorry, he's so sorry, he didn't mean for this to happen, he just wanted to go home-_

_" **Sorry doesn't cut it, Tommy.** "_

_The lights are pulsating, bright colors of red and purple and green, and it hurts to look at the **fireworks** \--_

**_Tubbo in a box, what will he do?_ **

_Tubbo in a box, with a firework aimed at his head-_

_Tommy in a box, Tubbo exiling him-_

"Stop!" Tommy thrashes in his sleep, fighting against-

No one, no one is there. For a moment, as Tommy lay there panting, he doesn't understand. He was just with Wilbur, and Dream, and Tubbo--

These sheets aren't his, this house is not his, _he is not himself-_

Where the fuck is he?

He remembers TNT, so much TNT, it hurt his ears so much. There was ringing, in his ears, the sound of Dream's voice white noise. The sound of the apologies tumbling from his cracked lips white noise.

He remembers the feeling of not breathing, he remembers clawing at the hands on his throat, constricting his air, _killing him_ -

He doesn't remember much after that, there's a long gap between Dream blowing up everything and him trudging through the snow, shaking violently everywhere and feeling numb.

Then he remembers-

Oh. _Oh._

This is Techno's house.

_He's in Techno's house._

Tommy scrambles up, pressing against the wall because _he's in Techno's bed, and in his sheets, and in his blanket-_

There's soup next to him, still hot judging by the steam coiling out of it. There's a note, and with trembling hands (that aren't so cold anymore) he unfolds it.

' _Drink this, it has some potions in it to help you_

 _\- Techno_ '

This can't be happening.

He abandons the soup, standing up (with the help of the bookcase next to him). He's in a room, Techno's room presumably, and of course Techno sleeps next to books. _What a nerd_.

There's a ladder, and Tommy doesn't waste a second before climbing down it. The house is silent, so Techno isn't here. He climbs down it, only fumbling a couple times. He enters a room with a fireplace, and some chests. He ponders opening the chest, but he's always been impulsive so he's already there before he can finish comprehending it. . His eyes widen almost comically. 

"Holy _shit_." Techno is absolutely _loaded_ , there's more stuff in here than he's seen in _weeks_. He picks up a potion, and immediately recognizes which one it is (one of the skills Philza taught him). It's a splash potion of fire resistance.

He throws it back in the chest with an amount of force that Techno would scold him about.

He wants to take this stuff, hoard it away so that Dream doesn't-

But Dream couldn't possibly find him here, right?

Tommy continues down the ladder, until he comes into a room filled with chests. There's a door, with muffled sound behind it. But he's not paying attention to that, instead he's sorting through the chests. He winces when he catches note of the Pogtopia poster, and avoids looking towards it.

When his rush finally dies down, he pales. He's in Techno's house, going through his chests, and- he just now notices that he's been bandaged up. Weird, he hadn't even felt the pain.

He finally recognizes what the sounds behind the door were, as they became clearer and louder. They were people _talking_. Techno was here, and so was someone else.

 _Dream_. His mind helpfully supplied.

"What are you doing?"

Dammit. 


	4. i can't handle change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry- I'm sorry- please don't blow up my stuff- I didn't mean to-" Tommy closed the chest, feeling his breathing pick up and pointedly looking away from Dream. Fuck, he's sorry- he's sorry- _Dream_ -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back in school, but don't worry i'll still be updating and shit

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry- please don't blow up my stuff- I didn't mean to-" Tommy closed the chest, feeling his breathing pick up and pointedly looking away from Dream. Fuck, he's sorry- he's sorry- _Dream_ -

"Wha- Tommy!" A hand reaches out to him and he jumps, backing away from it because _he can't breathe, why can't he breathe? He wants to breathe-_ ** _let him breathe_** -

"Toms, deep breaths. Do what I do. Breathe in for 4, hold for 7, and then exhale for 8." The words barely register in his mind, but he tries to focus. The voice exaggerates the breaths but Tommy feels his chest loosen, and he hesitantly looks up. Instead of a white smiley face mask he is greeted by the sight of Techno.

"'m sorry." Tommy avoided his gaze, looking around. He locked eyes with Phil, who was standing by the doorway. _Fuck_.

"Don't be, what are you doing up?"

"I was just looking around.." Tommy's held his arms, nails cutting into the skin.

Techno sighed, "You didn't even drink the soup, did you?"

He took the silence as a yes and stood up, helping the younger (and more weak) boy up as well. 

"Phil, could you..?" Phil nodded, and turned away from the scene to do something else. Techno was yammering on and on about how he needs rest and to heal, but Tommy honestly wasn't even listening. He was pushed back into the bed, and Tommy grumbled about how warm it was.

He wasn't going to complain though, he didn't even deserve this, Dream had said so after all.

"Eat this, all of it." Tommy rolled his eyes, but began to eat the soup anyway, and internally scoffed when Techno sat in the corner, watching him like a hawk. It tasted gross, like fried vegetables or whatever disgusting shit Techno put in his soup.

It did make Tommy feel better at least.

"Why the fuck does this taste so bad? You're a horrible cook." Tommy waited to see if he would get yelled at, but Techno only snorted and collected the bowl.

"Gremlin."

Techno disappeared downstairs, the soup making Tommy feel drowsy. He yawned, and felt his eyelids flutter closed.

\--

"Phil, I don't think either of us really know what happened to Tommy." Phil grimaced, sitting down in front of the fire next to Techno.

"It's concerning, when he arrived he had a bunch of burn marks and a hand mark on his neck. He keeps mentioning that's he's sorry, and earlier he mentioned something about 'not blowing it up'." Phil placed a hand on his shoulder, although it was obvious that the older man was also worried.

"I'm not pointing fingers but.."

They shared a look.

"Probably Dream."

Techno groaned, "I'm so gonna kill that green bastard-"

Phil gave him a look, "Please, let me."

"I really am concerned though."

Techno sighed, twirling his pickaxe around absentmindedly.

"What happened to Tommy, Techno?"

He didn't have an answer for that.


	5. that's how i learned how to survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't think someone is going to attack you when you're in the middle of nowhere."
> 
> Tommy mouth made an 'o', but he quickly recovered. "Just making sure."
> 
> The teenager was snuggled up in a blanket (his blanket, but Techno wasn't about to take it away when he wasn't even cold), trying to get used to the cold that comes from living in the tundra. Techno had given the younger a sweater to keep him warm.
> 
> (It used to belong to Wilbur, but despite the look Tommy made he had put it on anyway.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this did not age well at all. oh well, guess i'll just turn it into tommy angst. this is a more pleasant chapter than usual!
> 
> but um, all other things aside, i'm probably still keep updating regularly but school has started up for me again, and my busia is in the hospital for her pneumonia and my aunt rachael (who's not actually my aunt) is having surgery to remove all her womanly genitals (and breasts) to avoid getting cancer because of how common it is in her family. my mom's looking to be there for her after the surgery (because we're currently in different states) because of how hard it will be to do things.
> 
> and ya know, i've been trying to keep up with all the povs in the dream smp but it's so hard.
> 
> still, with all the personal stuff out of the way, here's the new chapter!

"Tommy, stop eating so many gapples." Techno rolled his eyes as Tommy ate another, this time pointedly doing it just to make him annoyed.

"I'm just making sure that I'm ready if someone attacks me or somethin'!" Tommy stressed, and Techno could see the implications behind that sentence but pointedly ignored it.

"I don't think someone is going to attack you when you're in the middle of nowhere."

Tommy mouth made an 'o', but he quickly recovered. "Just making sure."

The teenager was snuggled up in a blanket ( _his blanket_ , but Techno wasn't about to take it away when he wasn't even cold), trying to get used to the cold that comes from living in the tundra. Techno had given the younger a sweater to keep him warm.

(It used to belong to Wilbur, but despite the look Tommy made he had put it on anyway.)

Phil was in the kitchen, doing _something_. Techno had no idea what his father got up to, so he simply ignored the clanging noises.

"You seriously smell, take a shower or something." Tommy stiffened, although it was briefly and he eased up quickly. Techno still saw.

"Whatever, you stink too." Tommy rolled his eyes.

Techno crossed his arms, he was going to beat this child if he didn't take a shower.

He watched as Tommy winced, or maybe not.

Before Techno could seriously consider that, Phil came upstairs, clutching a potion and looking very pleased with himself. It was unnatural, and Techno couldn't identify it.

"Got some items from my hardcore world a while back, decided to put them to use." Phil handed Tommy the potion with gentle hands, and Tommy took it looking bewildered.

"What is it?"

Phil shrugged, "I don't know what to call it, but you've well been..having nightmares, so this basically helps with it." Techno and Phil shared a look, they _all_ knew about Tommy's nightmares.

"Oh, thank you." Tommy said in a quiet voice, placing the glowing potion on his lap gently. He gave Philza a grateful look, for which he just ruffled his younger son's hair. 

Techno peeked out the window, making a sound in the back of his throat when he saw how dark it was.

"Get to bed, children need sleep." Phil and him had been making sure that Tommy was sleeping, staying by his bedside for his nightmares.

Tommy protested, but he seemed to be less forceful with his words than before. Probably because of the potion.

"What, do you want me to sing you a song?" Techno dreaded the idea.

"No! Weirdo," Tommy wrinkled his noise at the thought of Techno singing to him in his monotone voice. Great way to go to bed.

"Then sleep." Techno pointed at him, before descending down the ladder. If Philza's potion didn't work, the man was always right there for Tommy. Techno sincerely hoped it did.

He has _not_ been going soft on the younger, whether that was true or not. Shut up voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Phil's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so gonna turn into tommy angst after a lot of character development, ya'll are gonna HATE me
> 
> also what's with every chapter and tommy passing out? what the heck me?


	6. rejoice you'll never make it out alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm self-promoting my other book 'i thought it was a dream (turns out it's a nightmare)' shhhh
> 
> also holy hell 2k views!? legit thank you so much this chapter is just mindless fluff before angst happens

The potion worked, if Techno were to say considering how the eye bags under Tommy's eyes were less dark, and he seemed less tired. It honestly made Techno swell with pride, but who was he to admit that?

Tommy hugged his cup of tea closer to himself, occasionally taking sips. Phil had gone out for supplies, so it was only Techno and the younger boy. Tommy was rambling on about things (he had seemed happy when talking no longer hurt as much, which made Techno subconsciously look at the fading hand mark on Tommy's throat.) Honestly, Techno wasn't paying attention, but Tommy never seemed to mind. 

The room turned colder as there was a slamming of a door.

"Phil, Philza, Philza Minecraft!" Tommy chanted as Phil slumped into the room, his coat half-way off.

"I was only gone for a half hour, Tommy." Phil rolled his eyes gently, as Tommy latched onto him.

"Ew, you're cold, gross." Tommy didn't let go though, and Philza patted the younger head's.

Once Phil finally got out of his coat (and Tommy's embrace), he turned to Techno.

"I got the stuff, we should be fine." Techno patted the shorter man's shoulder with a grin.

"Thanks." Phil waved him off, grabbing the cup of tea that Techno had left out for him.

Tommy began to ramble again, this time directed towards Phil, who gave hums and little comments when prompted. Mostly though, both of them were just watching Tommy with fondness. It had only been about a week, but Tommy was looking healthier and no longer acting like they were going to kill him at the slightest mistake.

(" _BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!_ " His "chat" screamed and he rolled his eyes. That would come later.)

It was really great, seeing Tommy start to heal by tiny bits. Tiny, but they meant so much. 

Techno nursed his mug and took a sip, even though it was cold now.

Does it really matter, when this moment is so warm?


	7. not sure where home is anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy was in a basement. Tommy was in a basement, and he was crying. Tommy was in a basement and he was listening to Dream's footsteps above him. _Tommy was in a basement and screaming at Dream to **please not blow it all please i'm SORRY-**_
> 
> _Tommy was in a crater and Dream was choking him-_
> 
> _**TOMMY WAS IN A CRATER AND HIS BROTHER WAS DEAD AND HIS OTHER BROTHER WAS TELLING HIM TO DIE-** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck canon philza, we hate that guy also just fuck canon in general, doesn't exist here ha ha

Tommy was in a basement. Tommy was in a basement, and he was crying. Tommy was in a basement and he was listening to Dream's footsteps above him. _Tommy was in a basement and screaming at Dream to **please not blow it all please i'm SORRY-**_

_Tommy was in a crater and Dream was choking him-_

_**TOMMY WAS IN A CRATER AND HIS BROTHER WAS DEAD AND HIS OTHER BROTHER WAS TELLING HIM TO DIE-** _

_WHY CAN'T HE DIE? WHY WHY WHYWHYWHY-_

_It's never his time to die-_

**He just wants to die, _please_ -**

Tommy was in a basement, puking all over himself, and crying. He was crying, and Dream was above him, searching for him. His friend had taken the time to search for him- but no, _Dream wasn't his friend_ -

But Dream was concerned, because Tommy had run away. Why did he run away? _Because Dream choked him, and blew up his stuff, and hit him-_ Dream would be so mad, that Tommy had disobeyed. His stuff had gotten blown up because he hadn't listened, why didn't he listen?

He's listening, but everything is too _loud_ and the _explosions are so **loud** -_

_Wilbur is so loud, why's he so loud? Why is he screaming? Please stop screaming, Wilby **pleasestopPLEASE** -_

It smelled horrible in here. Why did it smell so bad? Where was he? Where was Dream? Where was Techno? Where was Tubbo, and Wilbur, and Niki- where were his friends?

_They're not your friends Tommy_ , Dream reminded him, placing a hand on his shoulder in a comforting way. It made him sick, but Tommy nodded because of course Dream was right, Dream was always right. He was alone, alone with Dream. Where was Dream?

Ghostbur? Where's Ghostbur? Please, he needs some blue-

It's not blue, it's black, and he needs to _run_ but why is he running?

Because he needs to find them- but who is he finding? Why does he need to find them? Who are they? Who is he?

**Tommy, Tommy, wake up, I'm here-**

_No, please go away, I'm fine-_

There are hands touching him, cradling him. He can't breathe, he's being choked-

" _Dream's gone, Tommy._ " What does Dream mean? Why is he leaving him? But that's not Dream, but who else can it be because no one else visits him in exile-

Techno.

Techno's telling him to breathe, but he can't focus, his vision is blurry, everything is going by so fast. Please, slow down. He can't catch up.

"Tommy, Tommy, 3 things you can feel."

His head is spinning, but he tries to focus.

_Your hands, the wall, the bed._

"2 things you can smell."

_Vomit and blood._

His blood, he realizes distantly. He'd been scratching at himself, and his nails are filled with blood and skin.

"3 things you can hear."

_Your voice, my heartbeat and-_

Oh, there's no footsteps upstairs. Dream's not here.

Tommy can feel himself breathe again. Dream's not here, it's okay. It's okay. He blinks the tears out of his face, Techno's worried face finally clear.

"Oh. No Dream?" Techno rubs his back.

"No Dream."

Oh.

Tommy falls into Techno, burying his face into the other's cape. He breaths in the scent of the other. There's no gunpowder. He's safe, he's safe. Tommy grips onto Techno like if he lets go he'll fall.

"Safe?"

"Safe." Techno confirms, drowning out the last of Tommy's worries.

Tommy rubs at his eyes. "'M sorry."

Techno shakes his head, "Don't be."

Tommy shakily pulls away, despite the fact that he stills feels like he's at the edge of another panic attack. Crying feels good. Dream never let him cry. Despite the horrible feelings that come with it, at least he got to cry.

"Can you talk in sentences right now?" Tommy shakes his head, he's too tired to lie right now.

"Alright." Techno shifts, picking Tommy up in a gentle hold. Tommy presses himself against the other, closing his eyes as they ascend upstairs. He leaves behind the small yellow room with his vomit and blood.

The house is quiet, and Tommy is immensely grateful. He wished he had something to block out the small noises, but there was nothing.

He's set down gently into a chair, and something warm is draped over his shoulders. He subconsciously snuggles into it.

Techno watches him, but it doesn't feel suffocating like Dream.

"Tired." The only reason Tommy hasn't fallen asleep is because he's not sure if he's allowed to.

Techno's eyes soften, or maybe it's a trick of the light.

"Go to sleep Tommy, Dream isn't coming back." Tommy nods, too tired to argue.


	8. i don't know what's real what's fake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tommy, what happened during exile?" Tommy blanched, frozen in place. His stomach churned, and if he had any food left in him he would probably vomit once more.
> 
> "Why?" Tommy was avoiding it, he knew that. It wasn't healthy, it's not healthy. It had worked so many times before though, brush it off, annoy the person until they forget about it, fake fake fake.
> 
> Fake it till you make it, but Tommy hasn't made it yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that finale, huh?
> 
> for reference, this is not going to be a very long fic after these chapters! it has a ending, and it will come soon because i'm not planning to build off this too much.

Tommy doesn't dream, and he's glad. He was worried that if he did, he would dream of _him_ and **choking** and there's so much TNT _please stop I'msorry-_

But Tommy doesn't dream, so it's okay. He's okay.

When he wakes up, he's warm. It feels nice, and there's a hand carding through his hair. He can't help but lean into it. Dream had done this once, hadn't he? Yeah-

( _Dream gently brushed his hair away, tugging on knots just a little too tightly to get them untangled. It doesn't matter, because it's been so long since he's had human contact and he **needs** this._

_"Tommy, you know I care for you, yes?" Tommy swallows down the words threatening to spill out of his mouth._

_"Yeah Dream, you're my best friend." Tommy cracks a smile, but it's forced and weak._

_"Good, good." Dream shushes him, and he hates it but his voice is oddly soothing._ )

Tommy blinks, his vision swimming in front of him. Colors of blue and white and red blur together until he can't recognize what is what. His vision clears then, and he realizes that it was Philza's hand that was going through his hair. Techno is beside himself, and Tommy almost mistakes the bags under his eyes as bruises.

"Hello," he croaks out. His throat is dry, something Philza notices.

"Drink this." He hands him a cup of water, and Tommy fumbles with it, his hands shaking as he brings it up to his lips to drink. The cool water helps soothe the ache in his throat, if only slightly.

"Are you alright Tommy?"

 _No_.

"Yeah." Tommy shuffled, his eyes sweeping past the room. Anything to avoid looking at the people in front of him. He heard a soft sigh, and the hand in his hair pulled away. Tommy almost whined at the loss of contact, but resisted. 

"Can you eat?"

 _No_.

Tommy nodded.

Calloused hands lifted a bowl, and he took it, avoiding the stares he was getting. He wished they would just _stop_ but instead of saying that he just wolfed down the soup. It tasted weird, and for a second Tommy reached in his inventory for a golden apple in case he was getting poisoned. 

But no, it's fine. 

Also, he doesn't have any gapples with him.

Despite that, he only has a second to turn to the side before he throws the whole soup up. There are sighs of disappointment, and Tommy feels bad knowing that he caused that reaction just because he couldn't eat.

"Sorry." He wiped the bit of vomit on his mouth, swallowing down the taste of the bile.

Phil left the room, presumably to get something to clean the floor. It was only him and Techno now.

"Tommy, what happened during exile?" Tommy blanched, frozen in place. His stomach churned, and if he had any food left in him he would probably vomit once more.

"Why?" Tommy was avoiding it, he knew that. It wasn't healthy, it's _not_ healthy. It had worked so many times before though, brush it off, annoy the person until they forget about it, fake fake fake.

Fake it till you make it, but Tommy hasn't made it yet.

" _Tommy_." Said boy curled inwards at the tone of the other's voice instinctively. Another 'sorry' nearly tumbled out of his lips.

"Nothing okay!? Stop!"

It was silent, the only sound being Phil's footsteps. 

Techno sighed, and Tommy waited to be scolded for being immature. For yelling, and avoiding the question as always. Avoiding his problems, as always. Because that's what he was good at, wasn't he? Avoiding and avoiding, as though his problems would leave.

(Everyone else had left him, and yet why were his problems the only thing that stayed?)

What he didn't expect, were the words that Techno next spoke.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I'm just..concerned. For you." Tommy stared with wide eyes at the pig in front of him, who had summoned withers, abandoned him, nurtured him to health and was now _apologizing_.

"You say nothing happened and while I don't believe you, I'll respect your wishes to not talk. If that's what you really want." 

Tommy's head was spinning with confusion. He couldn't comprehend what was happening right now. All he knows is that he _wants_ to talk, to tell somebody. He doesn't want to do this alone, he's never been good at dealing with things alone. Maybe that's why he says what he does next.

"I'll talk."

Techno's head snapped up, looking surprised. Hell, Tommy was too. But the words were tumbling out of his mouth faster than he could stop.

"Please don't judge me, or talk or anything- it's- it's hard." Phil entered the room, and went straight to cleaning up the mess. Tommy could still sense that his attention was on the two right now.

"Are you sure?"

Tommy nearly rolled his eyes. Techno had just spent the time to ask for this, and then when Tommy actually says he'll tell him he backs away? 

" _Yes_." Before he changes his mind. 


	9. as the world caves in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fuck, I've never- never had to explain it before." Tommy buried his head in his hands.
> 
> "It's fine mate, take your time." Phil patted his knee, now done with cleaning up the mess he made earlier.

"Fuck, I've never- never had to explain it before." Tommy buried his head in his hands.

"It's fine mate, take your time." Phil patted his knee, now done with cleaning up the mess he made earlier.

"Right, I don't- fuck. I guess- Dream, ya know, he was my only friend during exile. Or I think he was. He was the only who visited me everyday, and he'd blow up my stuff. At first I didn't understand, but now I get it. It was to teach me a lesson and shit. And- sometimes he'd hit me. But only when I did something wrong, just to keep me in check. Nothing that'd really _bruise_ , except for those couple of times.." He was aware of the concerned looks he was getting, but he couldn't stop now.

"And- and- I just wanted something to myself ya know? I didn't- I didn't mean to make him _mad_. But then he got _really_ mad when he found my secret stash. He started blowing everything up and he- he _choked_ me- Techno-"

Tommy grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled, choking down a sob. Fuck, fuck. Why'd he tell them all that? Now Dream was going to get mad-

He was pulled against someone's chest, arms wrapping around him, reminding him that he wasn't with Dream. Dream wasn't here. It's fine, it's fine. Tommy will be fine.

"Tommy, you know that's fucked up right?" 

Tommy only gave a muffled nod, because he _did_ know. God, he knew. And yet for some reason his fucking mind kept telling him that it was fine, that he deserved it, but did he? Everything was so confusing, too confusing.

"Thanks for telling us that, Tom. We know it probably took a lot." A voice from beside him appeared, and he recognized it as Philza's. Techno rocked the two back and forth in the embrace.

"Shit, maybe another time. Not soon, just when you're ready, you can tell us more."

**he can't breathe, he can't breathe, i'm sorry, i'm sorry DREAM ~~please i'm sorry~~** _~~dream, i'm sorry, i can't breathe, you're my only friend~~ _

"I think- I think I would like that."

\--

Techno watched as Tommy wrapped his coat around him, blue and a bit too heavy for the young boy's lanky form, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. He was still near the house, but after much whining Techno had let him go farther out. He was already talking about building some cobblestone tower, and Techno hoped that Tommy would _not_ make good at that promise.

"Hey, hey, watch this!" Tommy proceeded to fail at doing a cartwheel, and instead landed in the snow.

"Fuck, that's cold!"

Techno grinned, "You're a moronic child, now you're gonna freeze to death and be all whiny."

Sputters of protests came from the teenager on the ground, but Techno ignored them. Philza came up from behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder and putting on a fake stern voice.

"Now Techno, he's only a child." 

Techno cackled, feeling his body warm even though it was cold out.

He rather liked this, this warm feeling he got. Maybe Tommy wasn't okay, maybe he'll never be. Maybe that's okay. Maybe Techno hasn't been the best, and maybe he'll try. Or maybe in another universe he'll mess everything up even more.

But in this universe, he's got Phil and Tommy, and really that's all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end! god i loved this book so much, you have no idea. i really think this is a fitting end, despite it not being as long as before chapters.
> 
> i'm super proud of this book, even though this arc has been over for a while. i put a lot of effort into this, and it really opened up my writing. if you get emails that this has been updated, it's just me going over the tags and such. this book was really quite something for me, and the first long multi-chapter fic i ever did. of course now i have new shit, but it counts.
> 
> anyway, if you liked this check out my other stuff, yada yada, and well i hope you liked reading this.
> 
> buh bye, till next time!


End file.
